


House of the Rising Sun

by gatesgates



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Badass Female, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, F/M, Graphic Description, Strong Female Characters, Verbal Abuse, someone as much of an asshole as negan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-04-29 06:36:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14467077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatesgates/pseuds/gatesgates
Summary: At the time, I didn’t even know for how long I’ve been running The House. Probably not as long as I thought, just a few years maybe, but I felt like it was all I knew, all I could, and all I had. There was nothing else that mattered in this new, awful world.Due to this, as you can assume, I was ready to do just anything to protect it, I was amother guarding her pups. Of course, the right moment to prove it came as soon as the Saviors appeared on the horizon.So I fought. I plotted. I gave up on my dignity and last bits of honor.I went to bed with the Devil himself.That particular part wasn’t actually that bad, but still, I did it all just for one reason.For The House.





	1. Mother

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, please, don't kill me, don't eat me, don't burn me. This is my first child. 
> 
> I was thinking about creating my own ff for a long time, but I finally forced myself to accept this challenge. It was a little hard, since English is not my first language, and it was the first time for me to write an actual literature in it. But! I enjoyed it so, so much, I have so many ideas and plans for this one, and I hope I'll be able to get them to life. 
> 
> What more can I say? You can consider this work as a reader insert, since it's written in a first person, but I decided to give "the reader" a name that I'm gonna use later (I'm just not a big fan of "[Y/N]" kind of thing). I hope you'll like it, let me know in the comments if you do. I'd be also very, very grateful if you told me about some grammar mistakes that I surely did - I was trying my best, but it'd be awesome to know what I've done wrong. 
> 
> Jesus, take the wheel.

_They killed a man for doing wrong today,_

_when all he ever did in life was look the other way._

_And with his verdict, someone heard him pray,_

_the crowd gathered around to see the look on his face._  

 

_Will they ever know the last words he spoke?_

_He cried, „Mother!”, as the people stood and stared._

_He cried, „Mother!”, and no one seemed to care._

  

I closed my eyes. One, breath in. Two, breath out. Three, breath in. Four, hold it… Five, breath out. Slowly.

”You gotta be fucking shitting me.”

”Boss, I… ”

”Shut the fuck up, I know you’re not joking, you stupid prick. Who do you think I am, a fucking retard?” Usually soft, Irish accent turned out pretty sharp, as I drawled words through the teeth. 

”Commander… C’mon, he didn’t mean…” 

”Shut. Your. Motherfucking. Muzzle. Peter. Or I’ll carve your goddamn eye out. And fucking feed you with it.”

I painfully dragged fingers down my tired face, trying to remain at least a little bit calm. I tried to hitch on any thought that could be useful to get out of this situation, but I couldn’t, I simply couldn’t. Anger, fear, I didn’t even know which one took more of a control over me. Probably both, mixed up with something really, really bad. Bad enough to make my whole body tremble from an irrational amount of adrenaline.

”Jesus fucking Christ,” I whispered harshly, just one more time, before starting to move all the lazy cranks around my brain. I took control over the feelings again, I had to at least try to think sober. To stop the panic rising in my muscles. In, out, in, hold it, out. Don’t be a pussy. ”Go on, Mark, you’re trying to tell me… You met these people. These…” I looked at young boy’s bloody, dirty face expectantly.

”Uhm, Saviors. Yes, we met them during the trip…” 

 _Saviors_. 

I didn’t know who were they trying to save, but sure as shit, it wasn’t me. 

”You mean, during the simple, ’try not to get too far from home and get your guys killed in the most stupid way’ and ’try not to fuck up the entire community’s safety’ kind of trip?” I, how kindly, encouraged him to continue the story. 

”Uh… Yeah… It was supposed to be…”

”I don’t. Fucking care. What it was supposed to be. You met these Saviors. By accident, right? You were just passing by each other, casually rolling by?”

”Yes. We both stopped the cars, it was kinda tense, it was a small group of them, probably some kind of patrol, huh. They had this weird look on their faces, I swear, we didn’t really know how to react…” I observed a few drops of sweat appearing slowly on Mark’s dusty forehead. Shit, the kid could have at least cleaned himself up a little before coming upstairs.

”You stopped the cars, period. No side stories needed, what happened next?” 

”We really, really didn’t know what to do, I think they didn’t know either… I think, but I’m not sure… It might… Uhm, I guess…” Boy’s voice started to shake, but he took a breath in and looked at me, right in the eye, with his own watering, green globes. I slightly raised my brows. ”I think our David was the one who shot first.” 

”Stupid fuck he is then. What’s next? And I swear to my Wesson, if you keep stuttering like this, Mark.” 

”Sorry, boss… Sorry. So, they started shooting too. But it turned out they had a bunch of machine guns, and we, uh… We didn’t.” 

They had a bunch of machine guns. Bunch of. Machine guns.

Each of spoken words kept echoing in my head like it was a giant, empty hall. I felt very stupid, all of the sudden, very helpless and very dizzy. Of course, we heard about the Saviors before, it was hard not to hear about them - I’m pretty sure they heard about us either, but none of the groups ever bumped into each other, at least never tried to. Hell, we didn’t even know where the famous Sanctuary was. And, as I was listening to Mark’s story, I realized how much better it would be to stay that way. 

I looked at my people, sitting at the massive roundtable. My trusted people. All tense, scared and unsure, listening to boy’s relation with their breaths taken away. They knew too damn well, what meeting the Saviors meant for The House, especially that kind of meeting. Full of bullets type of meeting. 

”Okay… Okay.” I raised a hand to stop Markie’s voice, slowly getting my thoughts together. ”First of all, how the hell are you even sure it was them, not some other, random group of scavengers?” 

”One of them screamed to another, telling him to inform Negan. We managed to get away

before their back-up reached the place.”

I closed my eyes.

 _Shit_. _Fuck. Cunt._

Negan. The big bad guy with a bat. 

As far as I knew the local legends, he was the last person I wanted on my back. 

I clenched my hands into fists, then relaxed them. One, breath in. Two, breath out.

Three, breath in.

Four, hold it… 

Five, breath out.

”How many people did we lose?”

”Marsha, Peter, Lucas, Denise, Frank, and few more…” 

”How many people did they lose?”

”I think… I think we managed to kill at least one-third of them. But it’s good, right?” 

I don’t even know, how was it possible for me to get up from my chair in such a quick move. Just a second later, my palm was wrenched by a sharp pain, as I got to the boy in one long, smooth step and let him know, what I thought about his team’s actions, by simply smacking him across his surprised face. Someone stood up too, someone hissed quietly, while Mark himself just started sobbing into his hands.

”Brains. Before. Bullets, you stupid FUCKS!” I roared, staring furiously at each and every one around the table and pointing at the words, etched to its surface. ”Brains before bullets! I thought I made it crystal fucking clear, but it seems like some of us, like our lovely friend - _David_ \- just don’t get it. We THINK before we fire our guns, why the fuck is that, can someone tell me?!”

I took a stand behind a tall brunet, caucasian type, who was sitting with a stone cold face right next to Mark, and leaned to him. Kevin, my perfect right hand, my deputy, and, as I sometimes thought, the only man who really knew how to use his brain properly. I placed both of my hands on his arms, massaging them lightly while waiting for an answer, which I already knew, will be correct. Kevin was an amazing soldier and, what’s most important, just an intelligent, loyal pup. 

”To avoid situations like this one.” He said almost immediately, toning his voice reasonably. ”Because of David’s actions and its followings, we’re in a great danger. We lost people, they lost people too. They will probably be looking for us - looking for vengeance.”

I nodded and gently patted Kevin’s short, dark hair a few times. As I said. Intelligent, loyal pup.

”Thatta good boy,” I whispered, then added louder. ”That is exactly what I fucking meant. But, as I mentioned, it seems like not everyone gets it as good as Kev here does. Mark, honey, stop whining like a pussy.” I eyed a boy at my best soldier’s right side and groaned with a slight annoyance. I think I have to ask Kevin to take care of him real, real good, and make him grow the fuck up finally. He was a useful soldier, great with guns, of course, but… Too emotional. Too fragile. And these are the features that usually get people killed. ”Mark, Mark, hey… Man up and tell me, did David made it out in one piece?”

Mark tried to avoid my glare at first, which, I have to say, is the shit I do not like. I grabbed his chin, peppered with light and soft, teenage hairs, and pulled his head up. Not aggressively - just to make a point. The boy sniffed a few times, eyes watery and left cheek still red from my blow, and for a second I thought that maybe I should feel a little bit guilty for making him look this way. 

For a second. Alright, two seconds.

Then I reminded myself who I was, and how due to that I had to act, to provide safety and trust throughout my people.

”Is David’s retarded ass alive?” I asked again, giving the boy a chance. 

”Y-yes.” He stuttered finally and it was all I needed to know. I let go of the grip on his chin, then circled the table and gave its surface a nice little slam with a gavel, that was rested before my seat the whole time. 

”Alright, pups, we’re done then. When it comes to our new problem with the Saviors, I still have to figure out what actions we need to take. But, what we most definitely need to do now, is to show people what happened and why it happened. I want you to gather everyone in the Main Hall. Make sure for David to show up. Get out, I’ll see you in ten.”

The sound of shuffling chairs filled up a tiny room with an impressive, glass dome instead of its ceiling. My most loyal people started leaving, only Kevin didn’t move from his place. He knew what he was supposed to do, like a good boy he was. I moved my hand up, to caress a maroon fur around a collar of my leather coat, and narrowed my eyes a little, as the sunlight lazily got through the clouds and poured to our space. I saw Mark, making his way to the door with still slightly shaking knees.

”Mark?”

He turned around immediately. _Good boy_. 

”Yes, Commander?”

”Come here for a second, kid.”

He did so, as I noticed, not really knowing what kind of feelings to expect this time. He stopped a few steps before me, already stressing out, and I waved my hand to him, as a gesture to come closer.

”You did well today, Markie,” I said and hugged him to my chest in a motherly motion. I was tall, towering over him, so it wasn’t too hard to also give a warm, gentle kiss on his dirty forehead. ”You really did well, fighting for me with all you had, then telling me the whole story, telling me about David and the Saviors. I truly thank you for that, sweetheart. Get yourself cleaned up and I’ll see you in the Main Hall.” 

I watched his face brightening up all of the sudden, looking like I just told him he won a lottery. Then he left, a big smile plastered on his mouth, thanking me quietly over and over throughout his way to the door. I hit him today. I called him a stupid prick, I took off on him, screaming at the top of my lungs, letting my fury wash me over a little. And still, all it took me to make him love and respect me again, was a simple gesture and a few lovely words.

How foolishly interesting human beings could be with their behavior, I thought to myself, as I started caressing fur around my neck again and sent a smile to Kevin. Wondering, how interesting Negan and his Saviors will turn out to be.

 

* * *

 

I looked down from the top of massive, spiral stairs at the small groups of people, slowly forming around an artistic sun painted on tiles. They were molding a circle around it, mumbling and gabbling like bees in their hive and I let out a tiny sigh, being just taken away by the view - an old university’s main hall itself was, indeed, breathtaking. But in combination with a loyal society, living in peace, getting ready out there just to see me? I sometimes used to forgot how amazing and intoxicating that feeling was.

I quickly noticed Kevin was already in his place at the back of a crowd, watching over, with his hand as always ready on a handle of a gun. I saw a few dirty faces, I suspected it was a team that came back from the meeting with Saviors and just didn’t manage to clean themselves up yet.David was amongst them, whispering something to his neighbor. He seemed somehow concerned, which involuntarily made corners of my mouth rise in a mean, mean smile, that probably made my already harsh, Irish features even sharper.

Well, at least one, good thing. He should be fucking concerned, filthy traitor.

I started making my way down the stairs, gently running a gloved hand over the rail, and the lower I went, the quieter The Hall was getting. I finally stopped when I was at the very bottom level, and just like that, people parted in a sudden silence, creating a way to the middle of a painted sun for me. I looked at all the faces as I was getting there, each step ringing with an echo of my reinforced soles. Some of them were smiling with something that seemed like an unexplainable respect, and I swear to god, how fucking cool was that?

”Look at you, lads,” I said, probably a little stoned from the feeling when I finally got in the middle. I smiled in a lazy, but loving expression, when my harsh accent rang through The Hall. I’ve never actually had much of a deep or sonorous voice, but I think it was just an overwhelming silence that made it resound so good. ”You’re all so, so fucking beautiful. So loyal, loving, and caring, for me and for each other.” It wasn’t a lie, and I saw more smiles throughout the faces now. At this time, they were indeed beautiful. Bright, affectionate, happy, I simply couldn’t ask for more. I felt like a proud mother, looking at her already mature children.

I loved them. I loved what they gave me. 

And I could just stand there for an eternity, admiring my pups, but it wasn’t the point of a whole gathering. I had to quickly remind myself, I didn’t want to meet them just to adore. The punishment had to come, to wipe smiles off their pretty faces, to recall what really was important.

”I love each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart, you already know that. It’s amazing, what we created here, our bonds, our little society. Hell, I would die for that, for you, I would do anything if I had to, just to provide safety, to keep all of you alive…” I continued,moving my eyes from face to face, meeting a bright grin every time. I caressed the fur around my neck with a proud, a little imperious gesture. ”But you also know that nothing’s perfect and nobody’s perfect. Shit happens, even to us. Sometimes someone just… Can’t see what we see. Sometimes someone just can’t keep their horses, can’t keep up with our rules… And take a risk. And with that, risks not only his own life, but our lives too, mine, yours. Which is something I really, really _don’t_ appreciate. It’s a lack of respect, it’s stupidity, and it’s a danger for the whole House.”

I noticed some of the smiles disappeared. The ones that realized what was about to come, the ones that have seen it before. My heart felt truly broken at the sight of their frightened expressions. Don’t be scared, my little sheep, please… Mommy ain’t gonna do shit to you. Well, except maybe to one, foolish lamb.

”Two days ago, I’ve sent a small team to check on the surroundings, as always, to look for some supplies… or dangers.” I stopped now, taking a stand before the group of dirty faces, staring through them straight at David. He looked confused, making big eyes at me - he probably didn’t even realize I was talking directly about his actions. Nothing surprising, considering how stupid scumbag he was. ”And, unfortunately, something happened. Something that had to happen someday for sure, but I wish it was in slightly different circumstances. Our people… Met the infamous Saviors. And it wasn’t a nice meeting, not at all.”

I’ve heard a few gasps, one stifled scream, some curses too. None of my people was smiling now, some of them seemed scared to their guts, some simply angry, even ready to fight, I’d say. And I wasn’t even finished.

”Our team had a chance to solve the situation somehow - Saviors didn’t start to fire, as far as I know, they were just as confused as our soldiers were. Brains before bullets, I always say, is our first rule in such a situation. We had a chance to use it to our advantage, but… Someone had to take a risk.” My eyes didn’t leave David’s even for a second. I saw his expression change with each and every one of my words, and from simply confused, he came to just aghast. Now he connected all the dots, he knew. But he didn’t try to run, escape through the crowd. He just froze. Good.

”David, darling. Would you mind joining me here?” I backed away a few steps and motioned to the middle of a big circle I was standing in now. ” _Please.”_ I added almost immediately, in a little bit of a threatening tone of voice.

At once, all eyes were on him. David seemed to force his body to any kind of movement, since he was still in a deep shock. He combed his light, thin hair with his fingers to slick it back to its place and slowly stepped towards me, as he was also trying to keep a straight posture. He wanted to look brave and fearless, but hell, his trembling bottom lip was spectacularly destroying all the efforts. Even if he’d take a chance to lie to me now, to tell me it wasn’t him, the whole expression was showing just the opposite. The boy was guilty as shit, anyone could tell. For a brief second, I almost felt sorry for him, as his long legs started shaking too, but I quickly reminded myself of how much of an idiot he actually was, and how much of a trouble I had to deal with after what he did. No softness was allowed in this case.  

David stopped right before me, all shaky and scared. He towered over my head, even though I’ve always been rather tall. Nonetheless, I could sense he felt much smaller, which, I have to say, pleasantly tickled my ego a little. His eyes started watering a little as I circled him in silence, like a wild beast tormenting over its prey right before eating it alive. I swear, I thought The Hall couldn’t get any quieter than before, but there it was.

The time has slowed down, as I finally turned on my heels to look him in the eye. I clicked my tongue a few times and spoke again - let the show begin.

”I’ve heard, _Davie_ …” I put a mean accent on a sweet shortcut of his name. ”That you shot first. Is that true?”

”Boss… I did it for you, I didn’t… I wanted to…” He immediately started stuttering, explaining himself, just as I thought. Selfish bastard. ”I thought we were supposed to… It was for you, I wanted us safe… I… I…”

”I don’t give a flying fuck about what you thought. I need you to answer my question. Were you the first one to fire your gun at the Saviors?”

”No, Commander… I mean, I did… But I thought it was right… Please, just…”

I closed my eyes, already irritated, shushing him with a wave. I didn’t need that bullshit, really, it was only making me more and more impatient. David subsided instantly after my motion, and when I looked at him again, I only saw a quiet supplication in his expression. He was begging to spare him, after all he did. Boy, oh, boy, was he fucking wrong. 

”What I think, David,” I started harshly, straining words through my teeth, toning down, yet still speaking loud enough for everyone to hear me. ”Is that you are just some selfish fucker. You didn’t do that for me, for us, don’t even try to give me this kind of crap, because it makes you a liar - and lying is something, you have to know, that I hate. What you did, you did for yourself, that’s a fact. You wanted to prove you’re a bad ass, fighter, and god knows what else. You didn’t think for a brief second, about these,” I motioned all around us. ”All of these beautiful, good people out here. You didn’t think about how your actions can hurt them, bring danger over them… And how you can just fuck up all of my efforts to keep them safe. You did it for you, didn’t you?”

”I did not, I swear… No, I wanted this for us…”

”You betrayed my people. You betrayed my rules, my trust, me. You’re a traitor, you know that?” 

”I’m not, please… I thought we were supposed to kill them…’”

”So it is, you are a liar, too, you bastard. Lord, have mercy. Do you know, what happens to liars and traitors here?”

”No, Mother… Please, don’t…”

My expression stiffened as David fell to his knees, calling me his mother, begging to spare his treacherous ass. I moved my eyes from his vulnerable form to the frightened faces of my people again. They were afraid, not of me though, they were afraid of what was about to come. I truly hated to do this, almost as much as they did, but that’s how it was. These were rules that kept us alive. It was my own way to run this place, and it worked damn well, they knew and respected that. Hell, I made sure they knew.

Yet still, some of them, from time to time, were stupid enough to look the other way. Some of my children will never learn. 

I moved a hand towards a brown leather holster at my right hip, pulling out an old, trusted Dan Wesson revolver. I checked a barrel for bullets, pulled the safety off, and weighted it for a second in my fingers. It was a good weapon, heavy, big. It served well, even before the apocalypse.

”What is about to happen,” I said, a little louder than before, as I was clearly talking to everyone again now. ”Is a punishment. A punishment for reckless actions, the ones that put us in an unspeakable danger. A punishment for breaking the rules, for simply not using brain, for not thinking about the community of The House and its future…” I knelt just before David and put my revolver in his right hand, wrapping his fingers tightly around the handle. I sighed before getting up and taking two steps back. ”You know what to do, traitor.”

”Please, Mother… No, please… I fucked up… Just don’t, Mom… Mother…” 

He tried to play on my emotions. What a prick. 

”I ain’t your mother, darling,” I shrugged and massaged the side of my neck in a tired motion. ”I only accept and love children that I can truly trust. You’re not one of them anymore. I already said something, and don’t make me repeat myself - you know what to do. You deserve a punishment.”

No one said a word. I think most of the people surrounding us even held their breaths, and the atmosphere was so tense someone could just slice it with a knife. Everyone knew, I’m sure, everyone agreed with me, it wasn’t the first time it was happening. All they could do was just watch, with a suddenly numb stare, waiting to see the punishment.

”Mother, no, please… You saved me, don’t you remember? You can’t just…” He cried now, tears were rolling thickly down his face. He wasn’t even trying to look tough anymore, he was now just a fragile, trembling boy, begging for forgiveness. He should know he wasn’t about to get any. I couldn’t let such a shit just slide.

”David, don’t play on my nerves. You deserve that.”

”Please… I know… I can’t… Mom… No…”

Just like that, something broke inside me.

”You deserve a fucking _punishment_ , you scumbag! Do it, right motherfucking now!” I yelled aggressively, stepping forward. As I did it, a loud moan escaped David’s mouth. He put my Wesson up in a swift motion, quicker than I thought, actually, and pulled the trigger. Just like I expected him to do. 

There we go, boy.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, suddenly reaching a warm sensation of inner peace, which was so bizarre to feel, under the following circumstances. Yet I was satisfied. None of my people dared to make a sound,still. They didn’t cry nor scream, they didn’t even dare to whisper a single word. They knew that what happened was right, that it HAD to happen, it was the only way. That’s what I taught them. That’s what they grew up with, and what they believed. I could just sense the silent agreement in the air, as I put my lids open. I used another moment of silence to let everyone take in the whole scene, then slowly moved a gloved hand up to wipe a few stains of a splattered brain from my face. Oh, what a lovely fucking day. 

I took a few steps forward and crouched next to David’s massacred, still body. With a sigh, I opened his fingers to retrieve my trusted Wesson and stood up again.

”I love you, my children,” I said quietly, my eyes not leaving the gun. ”I love you, and this type of shit breaks my heart in so many damn ways. David punished himself, but as much as I hate it, as much as it hurts me - it’s right. He was a traitor. He took our safety for granted, for the sake of his own ass. He understood this at the end and took a punishment he deserved. Let it be a warning to you - to not betray my trust nor my love.”

As the crowd remained still, I continued.

”I’m going to leave for a few days now. Kevin here, my dear brother, will take care of you while I’m gone, fixing what David broke. You can go back to your chores now, but let me ask you for just one thing - until I come back,” Spectacular pause was always on point. ”Try to think about what happened today. Try to think about it, understand it and respect it.” My hands finally flew up, and people started babbling again, little quieter than before. They moved in groups in different directions, getting back to work. There they were, my loyal puppies, always so nice and respectful for everything that I say…

As I turned my head I saw Kev approaching, his expression stiff and, I’d say, a little bit worried. He stopped right before me, shifting fingers through his thick hair with a sigh. 

”You’re gonna leave, like now? I bet the Saviors are looking for us, it’s not safe, we should…”He started, but I only smiled at him, with a little indulgence that I knew he understood - don’t tell me what to do, lad. This man was with me from the beginning, even before the shit hit the fan, in Boston - he was my brother’s best friend and when he was gone, Kevin took care of me, got me through the… Rough times, let’s say. I owed him a lot, I loved him from the bottom of my heart, but even though everything has changed and I was kind of his boss now, he still had these overprotective, brotherly-like episodes. I appreciated it, but, all in all, it was me who was the big bad mumsy. So I only leaned to him, patting his bearded cheek gently.

”I’m fine, Kev, stop making this fucking face. Get my team together, twelve people, two trucks. Load the corpse to my trunk. I want everybody to be ready in half an hour, we’re going on a little trip to straighten things up. You got it?”

 Vigilant, dark eyes observed me for a while, I can bet, trying to read my mind somehow, analyzing, getting things together. When he figured he most certainly won’t read a shit from me, he only nodded and whistled at the few people, who were still standing and whispering nearby. There was a job to be done, and I knew Kev would make sure to cope with my expectations. Oh, like hell he will.

I put my hands in long coat’s pockets and raised a sight up to the second, bigger dome in University’s old building - the ceiling of The Hall. I watched the sun slowly getting ready to set, sparkling wildly on a glass above me.

It’s time to pay Gregory a god damned visit.


	2. Jesus, take the wheel

_Forged in the black country, under blood, red skies,_

_we all had our dream to realise._

 

_Nothing held us back or dared to try,_

_something in our blood won't let us die._

 

As the team finally got ready, the sunset was already visible on a horizon, sprinkling the sky with its flames. I admired it for a moment, then started the engine of my beloved car and gently moved fingers over the little logo on a steering wheel - six pretty stars in a circle - just when a pleasant, mechanic roar cut through an air. I waved through the window I kept open, to let people at the gates know we’re off to go. They started opening an impressive, ornate entry to The House and one of the trucks began moving slowly towards it, thereby leaving a parking lot that we had just in the front of an old University’s building. I then put my feet on a gas pedal to move forward, and the second truck followed me, creating a pretty neat convoy. Kevin was right outside my car, giving me a goodbye walk to the gates, like a sweet boy he always was. I gave him a respectful nod and drove a little faster, as I took a last look at the small training area on a right and farming fields with prosaic warehouses on the left.

There it was, my legacy. My kingdom, my creation, my whole world. I was gonna protect it, at all costs, and won’t let some pompous douchebag stop me - I was either gonna kill him instantly or make a deal with him, there was no in-between option. Sure, the whole situation was one of my man’s stupid mistake, but it was in my fucking duty to make it right.

I got through the gates and looked in the rearview mirror, to see it closing after the last vehicle left. The Main Hall’s dome was still visible over the wall after closing it, and I suddenly felt a weird pain in my chest, a pain that made me gasp lightly.

I had to remember about one, pretty pessimistic option - no matter what kind of decision I was about to make with Negan’s case, I might not be coming back here alive.

 

* * *

 

I got out of the car and put hands in my pockets, smiling lovely to the Hilltop’s guards. They were towering over me, but even though I was down here, I could see their concerned expressions. Three of my people got out of the trucks too, guns as always ready to shoot, aiming at guards’ heads. Holy shit, they really were losers, weren’t they? How could guys on fucking _watchtowers_ get themselves cornered by some random guests?

”I want to speak to Gregory, pumpkins. He’s home?” Of fucking course he’s home, the coward never leaves it. It was still the biggest secret in the universe for me, how come such an ass like Gregory survived a motherfucking zombie apocalypse and became a leader of a community. It just wasn’t possible, he must’ve been a really good actor, or simply a magician. This kind of shit’s just not happening to his kind of people. ”May I also remind you, you don’t want me to wait too long. I tend to be a bit impatient, I’m trying to work on it… But you know, lads, how it is. Open the gates, _please_.” I said, putting an accent on the last word and ironically folding my hands in a beseeching gesture.

And they opened it, just like this. I wasn’t their leader, I wasn’t even a part of their community, hell, I last visited them in person like three months ago. And they opened the gates, because I said so, because I _asked_. I grinned to myself, very satisfied with the fact they remembered who’s really in charge, and started moving forward. My people knew the procedures - one truck in, another’s left to wait outside with my car, in case of _something_. Even though the Hilltop guys were extreme losers and I was sure they wouldn’t even dare to try anything on me or my brave warriors, I’ve managed to learn to never put your guard down in this new world.

I saw Gregory from a distance, coming out on the porch of his signature, giant-ass house, confused expression visible on his stupid face. I waved a greeting to him, in a friendly way of course - I didn’t mean to bring any harm at last, right? Just a good, old visit to my pups, checking on them… Hell, I’d even say it was a very caring and nice move of me to go to them like this. As I looked around, I could already feel the power filling my veins, immediately giving me a better mood. And when I finally got to the “leader” up the hill, people started coming out of their trailers, as surprised as he was. I patted guy’s back, shit-eating grin plastered to my face, because boy, oh, boy, did it feel good.

”Fey… What are you doing here? Something happened?” He only managed to stutter, saying my nickname with a weird, respectful tone, eyes on my people - who’s had their hands ready and steady on triggers. Of course, they had, good boys. And for the coward, he couldn’t even look me in the eye, huh? An interesting game was he playing here, a little bit more and I’ll stop being so generous about them. ”I mean, I’m very, truly, glad to see you…” You’re not, filthy liar. I narrowed eyes a little and caressed soft fur around my neck in one, swift motion. “But Saviors are gonna be here tonight, so it’s kind of not a good moment… If you have some business for us…”

“Well, that’s an amazing thing they’re gonna be here, it’s what I hoped for. According to that, I have to talk to you about something, so why don’t you invite me inside, to that beautiful house of yours, darling?” I said, in such a sweet tone it made even myself cringe a little - Gregory, on the other hand, looked just purely shocked.

“Yes, yes, sure. We have to hurry though, we have like an hour… Not that I’m rushing you! Of course not!”

“Shut up,” I only barked, side-stepping him to get myself to the house. Along with Gregory, two of my people followed us inside, the rest of them staying with the Hilltop society, stiff and ready for any wrong move, like watchdogs. When I got to the beautifully arranged room on the first floor, I got myself comfortable in his chair. I looked up and met a gaze of a young man in a leather coat, a little similar to mine, and long hair framing his concerned, bearded face when he adjusted a gray beanie. He had to be in a room before we entered it. “Hi, Paul!” I sent him a sweet smile and once again swiped my fingers down the fur delicately - and I have to admit it was actually the fur, in fact, that made my coat look much cooler than his. “How’s it going? Ready for a date with the Saviors? Maybe you guys need some help?”

Paul Rovia, known as Jesus (which actually fit him damn well) didn’t answer, and it made me smile even wider. He stayed in a corner, while Gregory took a sit in front of his desk, finally facing me.

“We don’t need help, for now… But I’m afraid you’ll need to leave soon, I’m so, so sorry.” He said in a serious tone, and it looked like he put up a scenario for this conversation in his head on the way upstairs, and was now just playing a well-prepared role. Good thing I knew how stressed he really was - but even though, kudos to him, because the ‘I’m a reasonable, good with talking guy’ role was pretty convincing. “We’re doing very well and I’d _love_ to spend more time with you, show you how the plants you gave us are doing, but you just managed to visit us at the wrong time. If you remember our deal…”

I raised my eyebrows and started tapping fingers gently on a desk’s plain, wooden surface. It was an incredibly beautiful piece of furniture, I had to say, just as all elements in the room were. The whole building and it’s interior were a pure work of art - not as good as my House, but amazing indeed. I started wondering how the desk would fit my own office, but Gregory’s words hit me all of the sudden, a few seconds after he spoke them. Well, looks like it came to an end of a foreplay. Here we go.

”I remember our deal very, very well Gregory. Do you?” My smile disappeared, making a place for a little mean-looking expression.

I saw a sudden fear in his eyes. A real fear, not hidden by any of his magic roles. And the funny thing was, I’ve never done anything _serious_ to him. I’ve never touched anyone in a wrong way, never killed, and he was literally pissing his pants, because I changed my tone a bit. What a creature, I thought to myself. He was almost more of an animal than a logically thinking human.

”I do… Of course, I do… How can I not, I mean…”

”If you do, then you have to also remember how generous I’ve always been to you, right?”

”Yes… Yes, I remember.”

”You have to remember, how nice it was of me to never lay my hand on any of your guys, don’t you?”

”O-of course.”

”You probably remember all the times I helped you, too, you have to. Like, when you were completely out of supplies, the Saviors were about to come, like they are now… Tell me, Gregory, what did I do then?”

”Uhm… Khm… You gave us supplies. A lot of them.”

”Like hell I did. And it wasn’t the only time. Do you remember all the opportunities I had to just fucking smash all of your people and destroy this little mediocre village of yours? Do you know, I can take your supplies now, and leave you with _nothing,_ just in the exact moment of Saviors’ arrival?”

He was staring at his own feet, avoiding my gaze. I didn’t like it, very, very much, so I stood up and moved closer to the coward, suddenly closing a space that the desk was creating between us. I pulled his jaw up to make him meet my eyes, frowned my eyebrows a little, and started again, slowly, to let him take in every little one of my words.

”I’m speaking to you, Gregory, you retard. You’re obliged to give me the fucking answer when I ask you to do so. Let me repeat. Do you recall all the times I could wipe your cute Hilltop away?”

”Y-yes.”

”And what did I do every time I’ve had such an opportunity?”

”You didn’t take it.”

”Did I kill someone?”

     A few muscles on his wrinkled face moved like he wasn’t sure about an answer. Oh, he’d better be sure as hell, because I was in a mood to kick someone’s ass. I caught Jesus’ gaze from the corner and I couldn’t read it well, but for _now_ , it was Gregory who I was speaking to. Time for Paul was yet to come.

”No.”

”Good boy,” I smiled again, patting his cheek like an annoying aunt, and moving away to look through the room’s window. It has a really nice view at the Hilltop’s surroundings, pretty calming, peaceful. Maybe I should get a summer house here? Sounds good, actually, very old-timey. ”Now it wasn’t all that bad, right? The thing is, I’m reminding you of our glorious relationship’s history because it’s time to pay back for what I did for you. I hope you didn’t think I was doing all of this for free!”

”How?!” He asked, straightening up, too quick and too loud, sudden terror taking control of him. I only laughed at the expression, because it only proved he indeed was scared that I would be able to wipe off his camp. And this, on the other hand, was only showing how stupid he actually was to think that way. They were a fucking resource and attacking them would cost me too much, and if he only had something in that empty, bald globe of his, he would know. They were important, in moments like this, for example. Ah, what a dumb prick.

”Calm your tits, darling,” I said with a grin, watching the last bits of sunset on a horizon. ”I need one of yours to help me deal with a little business of mine. I need Jesus, actually.” I turned around to meet Paul’s surprised, narrowed eyes. He was a handsome boy, quiet and nice, just the way I liked - but he was also too rebellious. I really didn’t appreciate him for that, but since I was actually quite a generous bitch, I now decided to give him a chance to prove himself as a good pup. Also, he was the only person I considered physically able to complete that particular task. “I need a little chit-chat with the Saviors, but before I’m gonna go and visit our lad _Negan_ , I need information. And your job is gonna be to deliver me those.”

“Fey… Ma’am…” Jesus spoke with a respectful tone and coughed, while Gregory stayed stunned, his eyes on me. “I don’t think I can do this.” I laughed at the answer, pretty loudly.

“Of course you can! I’d even say, you have to. You’re the only one who can, to begin with - with that amazing kung-fu shit of yours. You’re a real treasure, pretty boy, and I need to make a use of this treasure now, okay?” He still didn’t look convinced, but I made a few steps towards him and laid my gloved palm on still shocked Gregory’s head. Shit, he should have some wig or something, how can you have this little of hair? “Besides that, you owe me a lot, didn’t I make it pretty clear?”

I saw a fight in young man’s eyes, a real fight. I knew he didn’t like my ways to rule, he also didn’t like how I made them my providers whenever I needed it, and that part of him wanted to put up a rebellion against the given quest. But he was a smart man, intelligent, and he realized that’s just how it was, in this new world - and that my ways were, in fact, much better than the Saviors. I really helped them when they asked me to, but I was also able to kick someone’s ass when it was necessary. Just like a good mother, keeper, and guardian. They needed me to stay alive, and since this community surely meant the world to him, he answered like a good boy I expected him to become.

“What do you need me to do?” Jesus asked, now staring at the breath-taking painting behind my back. I patted his leader’s head with satisfaction and grinned. I came back to the big chair behind the desk - the desk I was probably gonna borrow to my office one day.

“Once the Saviors are here,” I began, placing my heavy boots on the said desk’s surface. “Me and my people will hide, don’t ask how and where - we got this, we won’t be found. Bad guys are gonna gather their shit, and then… You’ll sneak on one of their trucks, to go back with them to the Sanctuary and get some info for me. You’ll be here tomorrow, and will tell me what you learned.”

“What do you need to know?” A few muscles on his handsome face twitched uncomfortably.

“ _Everything._ ” I answered with a warm smile. “Who really is the big bad guy with a bat? Where exactly does he live and how can I get there? Where are his guards, what are they doing when someone’s approaching the gates? How many people he might have, what weapons do they use? Fuck, I want to know what does Negan eat for his breakfast. Every-fucking-thing, okay?”

Jesus nodded, while silent Gregory only massaged his forehead, apparently being very concerned. At the very same second, there was a scream heard from the outside, an informing yell - Saviors were coming, and it made me grin so hard, my face started to hurt. My trucks were already hidden when I quickly checked on a situation through the window, I also waved at two guarding guys to leave too.

“I’m gonna hide somewhere in the house, don’t worry about that. I’m a motherfucking chameleon. Jee, you know what to do, darling.”

 

* * *

 

I closed eyes for a second and straightened my back for as much as a tight closet’s walls were allowing me to. A small, random room was a good choice - voices from the outside were everywhere, plundering the whole house. Except for this one, modest place. Either I was the luckiest bastard on this rotten planet, or Saviors simply knew, they won’t find anything they wanted in here. Whatever it was, I felt truly grateful to the Lord he was still watching after me sometimes - me and the almighty Dude were never extremely cool with each other, but the Irish blood I received from my lovely family was pumping my veins with the feeling of Him, it was natural, it’s what my filthy father taught me. I could sense Him in such small actions as this one, but also in what the outside world was made of, in a grass, leaves, water, even in hungry walkers, spreading the deadly disease. Everything we see was meant to happen, and it was Him who said it had to. And even though I knew, he wasn’t really liking my way of life, of dealing with problems - I was one of his kids too, right? That’s why I managed to stay alive for such a long time, why I managed to take care of my community and to not be found by the plundering Saviors in a tiny, ugly, dark-as-shit closet in an oversized house on the Hilltop.

And that’s why I was about to be a winner in the whole situation, either _erasing_ Negan or bringing him on his knees before me. What’s even funnier, it was Jesus who agreed to help me achieve this. Life’s impossible, isn’t it?

After what felt like an eternity, voices from the outside went silent, and for a moment I even thought I’ve heard muted rumbles of trucks’ engines. I waited a little more, fifteen minutes maybe, to be entirely sure Hilltop’s best friends were gone - and when it appeared they really were, I silently crawled out of the closet. At this moment, when I fully straightened up, I felt parts of my body I’ve never felt before. A numb pain was stabbing a lower part of my back, left ass-cheek, both knees and a right foot. I cursed ugly, as I massaged a sore arm a little, then stretched my legs more. Well, nothing’s for free, better feeling like a grandma for a few minutes than being murdered by some douchebags.

It was already dark outside when I looked out of a narrow window. The sun has completely hidden behind the horizon and even glimmers of red on a sky were gone. As I thought about it, my chest started feeling a little too tight for heavy breaths I was suddenly taking in - the sun, it’s beautiful beams, bloody, breath-taking sky, all of it was just a hurtful reminder of my home, of _The House of the Rising fucking Sun_ , and how I already missed the light glistening on my room’s glass dome. I had no idea for how long I was about to be away from its greatness, from its people and their smiles, from where I only belonged. It didn’t feel right. 

But I had to protect it, right? It was my job after all, and no matter how it felt, I had to make it right. I had to wait for Jesus to give me what I needed to provide safety.

I moved fingers throughout the soft fur on my collar, before getting away from the window. A numbness that attacked my lower limbs was slowly disappearing, so I could walk normally - to the corridor and down the stairs, to meet Gregory’s surprised eyes. He was standing proudly before the main doors,his posture upright as a string, but when he looked up and met my gaze and a wide smile, he looked like a deflating balloon.

“So what, darling, do we have a pajama party tonight, or nah?” I joked, pretty entertained by the look on his face.

     Pathetic coward. 

 

* * *

 

Jesus came back by the sunrise, walking towards the Hilltop’s gates with a concerned expression. I saw him from the distance, as I was peeking from a window of Gregory’s office, in which I spent the whole night. Sadly, not getting any sleep. How could I even sleep? I’ve had a whole plan to create, I had to consider every scenario, every little thing that could go wrong. I’ve had to consider my death, my people’s death, Negan’s death. I had to consider him taking advantage of me and then forcing me to lead him to The House.

Listening to Paul’s story only confirmed all the things I was worried about. The Sanctuary’s legend didn’t come from nothing, that’s something I could say without even asking anyone. They were powerful, he had human resources that were ready to obey him at any time. As far as I understood, however, Negan wasn’t stupid, he was a goofy showman, but a smart leader. What comes with that, is a hope they won’t attack us as we’ll pull over by their front doors. Maybe he’ll be intrigued, he’ll be curious to see who decided to pay him a visit, since it was always him being the one to be doing such. Because that’s what showmen tend to do, they’re not reckless, nor rash in their actions. On the other hand, how will I react to his show? Should I play along or remain cold and imperturbable? The best option would be to turn tables as much as I could and make him play along with _my_ show, even though he was a host. Question is, how do we do that without getting ourselves stupidly killed?

I didn’t dare to interrupt Jesus while he was giving me a report, clearly not feeling good about doing so. His bright, blue eyes were avoiding my sight, his hands trembling a little, he also stuttered a few times. He told me everything I wanted, and even more - I received a little drawing of Sanctuary’s first-floor scheme, including all entrances and gates, and how they were backed, with how many people. I didn’t say anything during the explanation, only nodding and humming withan agreement, knowing how much it took him to gather all those information. Once he was finished I looked up - still not getting an eye contact. I remained silent.

     “He… He did pretty good, right?” Said Gregory, who was standing just next to us. I immediately shushed him, being focused on all the notes and drawings I was given. Well, at least for once this douchebag was right - Jesus indeed did good. Incredibly good. 

“Are you alright?” I finally decided to break the silence, now watching Paul’s attentively, maybe searching for any sign of a fight. Just maybe.

“What do you mean?” He seemed almost offended by my question.

“What I mean, is if you’re alright. Did they see you? Did you have to fight? Did you got hurt somehow?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

His blue globes finally met mine, cold green. Now there was his true nature - full of determination, rebellion, and an unspoken question, “what else do you want form us?!”. I smiled gently at him.

“Thank you, Paul. What you did… It’s just an amazing job, it’s more than I expected. I’m glad and I’m proud, that you came back without even a scratch. Me and my people are going to be gone in an hour, just give me time to share your precious knowledge with them.” Determination gave place to confusion. “Once we’ll be done with our business at the Sanctuary, I’ll send some of my guys to help you with supplies, we have a lot of spare vegetables and clothes.”

With that, I stood up and left. Ready as ever to face Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all - thank you so, so much for such a positive feedback! I was afraid my character's gonna be too badasss or annoying in her way of being, but it turns out y'all loved it. So thank you, thank you, thank you! <3
> 
> Secondly - I know, I know, it's been some time. I've been working on this chapter way too long, but I think you understand how it is, sometimes you don't have enough time, sometimes inspiration just leaves you for no reason. But! I recently got some weird strike of luck, so I managed to finish this one and, if everything goes well, I'll upload another chapter pretty soon. Just be patient, in the next one we'll finally meet Negan! 
> 
> So, I hope you liked this one, don't forget to leave some feedback in the comments - I'm looking forward to read some advices. 
> 
>  
> 
> Psst. Little promo. If you're a fan of Hannibal, and you're a Will Graham type of person, check out my other work.


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